I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
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