you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
