I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize