She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
