I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
