What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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