you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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