Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
