listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
