I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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