When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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