So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
