he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
