If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
