Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
