The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
