Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
