do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
