I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
