I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
