I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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