we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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