It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
