i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
