i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
