yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
