I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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