Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
