She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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