guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
