it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
