We're like a lot better than the average bears
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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