This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
