a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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