I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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