Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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