Ambien. No doubt about it.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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