I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
