I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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