That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
