Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
