***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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