i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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