Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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