Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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