i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
