Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize