her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
