i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
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