saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
