Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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