a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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