he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
