i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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