My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
This gyro tastes like lonliness
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
