whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
