he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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