so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Randomize
