You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
