Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
