I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize