She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
