I wish they made helmets for livers.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
