tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
the day after is always just damage control
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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