there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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