Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
third nipple confirmed
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
