Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
