And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
