I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize