I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
