my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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